There were a lot of people who didn't know each other at the dinner, so things started out a little slow and quiet, but by the time we got to the sauerkraut making people loosened up and there was a lot of playful banter. We had a lot of fun making sauerkraut. We even finished around 8:30, exactly when I had said we would in the invitation.
Then everybody left and I was alone in my apartment. This feeling of sadness washed over me as I realized I am creating this great community around me, but at the end of the day I don't have anyone to share it with. I don't have a partner. I was feeling pretty lonely.
Luckily a friend called who is in a similar situation as me and we talked for a bit. He knew exactly what I was feeling with out me even explaining. It made me feel better to know that I'm not the only one who notices that we join these groups and create these communities around us, but somehow in the end we are still separated on a fundamental level. I mean, what I am doing is not really that radical. It is pretty tame in fact.
I don't want to invalidate or belittle what I am doing, but it really doesn't get at the underlying issues of alienation and isolation. We are divided. We are separate. We are suffering. But we go on, we make progress.
I read once that when faced with a problem or difficulty, all we need to be happy is a sense of progress, we don't actually need to solve the problem to be happy. This project may not be the most radical action, but it is a step in the right direction. It is progress. I am happy with it.
And I am making progress too. I called a couple more friends and told them about the party. I do have people to share it with after all.